What if people treated cars like computers?

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know
how to drive, because people don't treat cars like they do
computers. But, imagine if they did....

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing
happened!"
HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your
battery and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to
know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go
anywhere!"
HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a
needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle
pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay
the vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me
that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that
comes with everything built in!"

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars ****!"
HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted it to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then
it crashed and it won't start now!"
HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.
What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me the latest version that doesn't
crash any more!"

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power
steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places
in my car!"

Nice I propose to make help phone line for europeans.

quote:

Originally posted by NoBoZoS:
...
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places
in my car!"

Well...that's pretty reasonable.
Anyone remember the "Timecop" movie with Jean-Claude Van Damme?
I remember the scene when car computer ask "Destination, Sir?" and J.C. reply "Home".
That's how it supposes to work!